35 years later and I miss him like it was yesterday!

This post is dedicated to my sweet and wonderful daddy who went to be with the Lord 35 years ago. That was the saddest day of my life. To this day I can not talk about him, (or type about him) without crying. I don't know if I am crying because after all these years I'm still so sad or if talking or thinking about him makes me realize there is a huge hole in my heart that will never be filled. You see my daddy wasn't always my daddy. I was adopted at 6 weeks old (that is a post for another day). Anyway, my daddy was a preacher at a church in Mississippi and through the week, he went to seminary in New Orleans and that is when and where he became the very best daddy a girl could ever hope for. I was his pride and joy, the apple of his eye people would tell me. When I was 2 years old we moved from Mississippi to a small town in Arkansas called Dumas. My daddy had been called to preach at the First Baptist Church there. He was such an amazing, Godly man and for those who knew him, they were better for it. Because daddy was a preacher, he would be gone alot visiting people, going to meetings, preparing for Sundays but when he was home, we would have the best time together.

The night before the saddest day of my life, daddy was home early. It was a Sunday night. He made time for each of us 3 kids. He played a board game with me, read a book to my sister and watched TV with my brother until her fell asleep in his bed with him. He never woke up. My mom came in to wake him the next morning and found him dead from a massive heart attack. Our lives would never be the same. I am so thankful for the seven years I had with him but at the same time I feel cheated.

For 35 years I have struggled with understanding how God could take such a wonderful man from this earth. A man who in his daily life was spreading God's word. You hear people say all the time that God has a plan, well to this day, I struggle to see His plan in this. Im not by any means saying that I doubt that God had a plan, I just don't understand it and I probably never will.

After daddy died my family and I went through alot of changes. We were living in the parsanage (a house owned by the church that the preacher and his family lived in). The church was gracious enough to let us live there for a year, giving my mom time to figure out what she was going to do. She had 3 small children, had just lost her husband and now had to find a new place to live. We moved to Tennessee, which was were here family was. We only stayed one year before we moved back to Dumas.
Growing up without a daddy has been very hard for me. I see other girls with their dad and I sometimes become so jealous. I missed out on all of the father/daughter stuff that other girls get to enjoy. To this day, I can watch a movie and it have a scene in it about a dad and I will cry my eyes out. I often wonder how different my life would have turned out if my dad hadn't died. That is something I will never know. Losing a parent is so hard no matter what age you are but for me losing my dad at age 7 was devestating and it is something that haunts me to this day.

I am so grateful for the 7 years I had with my daddy!! I guess God needed him in heaven more than he needed him here on earth. I look forward to the day when I get to see him again. Until then I will continue to try and understand and continue to hold my memories of him close to my heart.

God and his sense of humor

My husband and I started on a new venture back in September. He started his own business. Lawn and Irrigation specialists of Knoxville. September is NOT the ideal time to start a lawn business but we did. Things were great in September and October but as expected the winter months were very slow. At the first of the year we got several contracts for the year which was very exciting. Mark tried to do the work on his own because, since he hasn't has a paycheck since, well we won't go into that, but let's just say it's been awhile, he knew he didn't have money to pay employees. Well one of the contracts is a very LARGE neighborhood which requires manpower so last week I talked him into to hiring some guys. Well the first payday rolls around this Friday. We have been waiting for a check since March 15th, you know the old saying "the check is in the mail". As Friday fastly approches and still no check, i have been in somewhat of a panic about how we were going to pay these new employees. I have been checking the mailbox everyday but coming up empty. So this morning as I was getting ready for work, I said a prayer, "Lord you know we have payroll to meet on Friday, please let that check be in the mail today". When I got to the post office today and opened the box, to my surprise there were checks in there. No not the large check we have been looking for but instead several little checks which totaled exactly what we needed for payroll on Friday. As I stood there looking at the checks I thought to myself, God must be standing up there laughing at me. Because while he knows we really really really WANTED that BIG check, we really really really NEEDED to meet payroll Friday and he provided for us just like I had asked. Isn't our God amazing? Yes I think so!! Your Father knoweth what things you have need of before you ask Him. Matthew 6:8

I love my job and my dogs

Happy Monday!! Thank goodness it's almost over. Work was long today. I love my job though. I get to meet all kinds of mothers that I wouldn't meet otherwise. Mothers with normal behaving child, mother's with autistic children, mother's with Downs children and mother's who just aren't sure wasn't going on with their child. All of these mother's have one thing in common. They all love there children just the way they are!! I have a new found love for mother's of special needs children. They have so much patients and seem to really have things together. Yes, just like the rest of us, they have their moments but I believe God does not give us what we can't handle and he delivers special needs children to very special mothers. My job is so rewarding. Had I finished college I would have been a special ed teacher and this job allows me to still be with the children I care for so much!

Well I have to say I have to best friends in the world!! My very very good friend Paige has invited me to go with her and her husband to the x games in Aspen, Co. All expense paid!! They own a pharmaceutical company and will be sponsoring the x games. We will be working a tent in the ESPN tent selling the sunscreen their company produces.


We will be working from 7 am to 7 pm. Get to meet and be around all the athletes, be in Aspen with one of my very good friends, of course I said I would go with out hesitating right?? Wrong. I mean I'm going but not without hesitating. There were several reasons for my hesitating but the main reason was...

Sampson and Beckham

I didn't not want to be away from them for a week. Yes I will miss Mark and Courtney but my dogs, they will not understand where I am and why I haven't been home. What is wrong with me? An opportunity of a lifetime and I almost turned it down because of my dogs, HELLO!! I know that Courtney will take very good care of them and she loves them not quit as much as me but she does love them. She did say however, that she will not kiss them as much as I do, lol!!
None the less I AM going to Aspen and I am soooo excited!! Thank you Paige for inviting me on this exciting adventure!!

Ok I have to go now the Bachelor is on

I LOVE reality T.V. I think the whole premise behind the Bachelor is somewhat shallow but I sure do love watching the show. lol... wait does that make me shallow?? oh well... I think he will end up with Deanna but we shall see!!

Goodnight

New Years Resolutions

Well 2009 has started off very wet. It seems like it has rained more in the first 10 days of the year than it did all last year. It is raining now and it has all day. I am sick of rain.













I have made several new year's resolutions this year. My first on is to be a better finance to Mark. He is so sweet to me and is always doing things to show me how much he loves me. I don't think I do enough for him so I'm going to do a better job at that from now on.

Second I and going to get in better shape and lose 30 lbs. Since Michael, my son, went off to college in September, i have gained 25 lbs. UGG!! I think it's a combination of things but mainly from being depressed about him being gone. Yesterday I started the Special K diet and I am walking everyday for 30 mins. I will let you know how that goes. Third one is I am going to try to blog more. i love reading everyone's blog. Forth one is to keep my house clean. I HATE to clean but I sure do love coming home to a clean house and I can't afford a house keeper so... My fifth and last one is to do something nice for someone everyday. I LOVE doing things for other people and towards the end of last year I found myself doing it less and less. I felt like since money was tight, it's was too hard to do but this year I am going to find ways to do something for someone else without costing anything.

Today has been a long day, rain, cleaning, dieting and watching football. My Titans lost : ( but Arizona won : )) yay!! Oh and one more thing. Did you know that you CAN wash an electric blanket. I was really nervous about it but I washed it on the delicate cycle and hung it up to dry and it's on my bed right now and it works, yay!!! Have a great night, more later! Goodnight!

Thursday I finally turned 40!

Back in March I had my 40th birthday. Everyone always dreads the Big 4-0 but i really wasn't. As the saying goes "your only as old as you feel" and i wasn't feeling 40. When I tell people my age they never believe that I am 40 and I say I am and i've earned all 40 for those years. For my sista's who have already reached the dreaded 4-0 you are feeling my pain but those of you young things, here's alittle something to look forward to. Anyway over the past 6 months, me being 40 hasn't been that big a difference , i mean every once in awhile i find it hard to get up after squatting or I've noticed a bulge at the waistline but nothing that bad, not to mention i took my only child to college this year (that's a whole nother note within it self). Well about 2 months ago at work I noticed that i was having trouble focusing on EOB's, at home I couldn't read the fine print on the medicine bottles and here lately i'm having trouble reading text messages on my phone. Well, Mark bought me some cute (he claims sexy but i think he was just being nice and trying to make me feel good) $1.00 reading glass at Ingles. I didn't want to believe that i needed them but i took them anyway. One day at work i put them on and what do you know, suddenly i could read the EOB's that were once a blur. I started wearing them everyday and for the most part i was reading everything with no problem. Well last week while wearing the reading glasses my left eye started twitching like i was having a muscle spasm and it followed with a terrible headache!! Oh no, my new eyes were failing me. what was i to do. I wasn't sure if i had vision insurance but found out yesterday that i did and call a Dr that i knew and made an appointment. They had a cancellation for today so i took the appointment. I took Courtney with me in case they needed to dilate my eyes so she could drive home. Well they called me back and this sweet lady started my eye exam. I was sailing through it and one eye was more weak than the other and i could see great far away. All in all she said that i had 20/20 vision but that i needed to see the doctor. Dr. Patton finally came in. He is a little man, very sweet and caring. He started his part of the exam. As he switched different things that i had to look through first with the right eye then with the left and finally with both, he would ask me can you see that on the wall, how about now, and now. I would answer each time as i could see. He would say oh Rebekah, you aren't giving me the right answer. I'm not real sure where my 20/20 vision went in a matter of 5 mins. After finishing the eye exam, Dr. Patton said well Ms Rebekah, it looks like you need BBBBIIIIFFFOOOCCCAAALLLSSS. I'm sorry what did you say I asked, he replies you need bifocals. Suddenly within an instant I had turned 40. No birthday cake, no friends or family, no black balloons, no surprise birthday party, just me and good ole Dr Patton. I said but Dr Patton i turned 40 this year if i have to wear glasses they are going to have to be sexy. He said oh you want the Sarah Palin glasses, i laughed and the next thing i know i was in the room picking out frames for my new Bifocals. I called Courtney in there to help me because you can always trust a teenagers opinion when it comes to fashion. With her help we decided on a pair that i hope will look nice but more than that i hope they will help me read especially my text messages, hahaha. I haven't really had time to grasp the new 40 year old me (don't have the glasses yet) but if the next 40 years are as fun as the past 40 years, then i will wear my new bifocals and wear them proud because i don't want to miss a thing.

Day one

I am going to start journaling daily. I may not have time to do it daily but im going to give it a try. Today Courtney and I went to the Maryville College game. It was a close game but Maryville won. It was sooo hot. Had tickets to the UT game but gave them to my friend Eric, he mowed my yard this week and I wanted to do something nice for him. Getting ready to go to a party at coach I's house so i better get off here for now. I'll continue later. Home now in bed watching football. Gas prices in Knoxville tonight are $4.99 a gallon (low grade). That is crazy!! Courtney has gone to the Bounce House for a party tonight. She is such a great girl. Never any trouble. Michael is at his dorm, watching TV. He wanted to come home this weekend but i talked him out of it because of gas being so high. He is very discouraged right now because he isn't getting to play football. He is red shirting this year. This is a great learning time for him. He needs to learn to be patient and work for something. His whole life he has been handed things where sports were concerned and he will hopefully come out of this a better man. He seems to be loving school. I am doing better than i thought i would with him being gone. I miss him alot but i know that he is happy and that makes me feel better. It helps having Courtney here. Well, i think i'm going to sleep. The sun drained me today! Goodnight all!